4 Unhealthy Relationship Patterns That Couples Should Avoid

4 Unhealthy Relationship Patterns That Couples Should Avoid

It is natural for couples to develop relationship patterns. Unfortunately, not all patterns are positive, and even happy couples are not immune to such developments in their relationships.

However, it is normal for every couple to experience such occurrences in their relationship. The key is to spot these unhealthy patterns early and do something about them to prevent these issues from impacting the relationship further.

And you will need to understand the signs of these unhealthy relationship patterns if you want to identify them immediately. Let us outline the common negative patterns to avoid to ensure you enjoy a fruitful and long-lasting relationship with your partner.

Pattern #1: Bringing up an issue by blaming your partner

Think back to your disagreements with your spouse; how many of those conflicts were caused by either party beginning the conversation with a harsh phrase like, “What’s the matter with you?”

Such actions usually cause the other person to feel attacked, resulting in a tendency for them to get defensive. Rather than hashing any issue out, things escalate into a full-blown argument, benefitting neither party.

If you wish to break this cycle, you should try approaching the issue by sharing how you feel about the situation. Instead of blaming your partner by suggesting they never listen to you, you can say, “Dear, I feel like my opinions are not getting heard.”

If you are concerned that any attempt to raise the issue may lead to an argument, you can try broaching this subject in a safe environment, like a family counselling session.

Pattern #2: Keeping your feelings to yourself

Communicating your thoughts and feelings to your spouse is fundamental to a healthy relationship. And this is what we frequently emphasise in our family counselling sessions.

It is impossible for two people to be identical in their preferences and behaviours. There are bound to be moments when you might disagree with your partner’s decision. And that is perfectly normal.

However, keeping your thoughts to yourself and refusing to communicate with your spouse for fear of sparking a disagreement is hardly the healthy way to approach the matter. Eventually, the accumulated feelings will explode, resulting in an argument with severe repercussions for the relationship.

This is why we often encourage couples attending our family counselling sessions to be receptive to constructive criticisms. Both parties should be open to hearing what each partner has to share. Subsequently, they can work on reaching an ideal resolution that satisfies everyone.

Pattern #3: Arguing over things that don’t matter long term

Are you noticing that you and your spouse are regularly arguing over trivial matters? Unfortunately, mindless fighting is a recipe for relationship disaster. If the arguments often outweigh the good times, some couples may come to the conclusion that the relationship is not working out.

At our family counselling sessions, we always advise our couples to focus on the happy moments of the relationship rather than dwell on the negative aspects. So the next time you have an urge to raise an issue with your spouse, consider whether or not it matters in the long run. If not, it might be wise to let it go.

Pattern #4: Expecting your partner to “fix” you

There is a tendency for some couples to bring their own emotional baggage to the relationship, hoping their significant other can “fix” the issues within them. However, this will only cause problems in the relationship.

While your spouse should always strive to support and listen to you, they are only human. It is impossible to expect them to resolve the years of trauma and emotional baggage you may carry within you. Setting unrealistic expectations for your partner will only set both parties up for disappointment, leading to disagreements that result in a failed relationship.

At the end of the day, you play the most crucial role in resolving your personal problems. If you notice that your personal issues may be affecting your relationship, it is best to seek family counselling before the situation becomes untenable.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is no bed of roses. It requires full commitment and dedication from both parties. Therefore, it is essential for you and your spouse to know how to recognise the unhealthy patterns in your relationship and work towards ending them as soon as possible. If you are unsure of how to resolve these issues in your relationship, you should seek out the opinion of a therapist.

At SYM Academy, we believe in strengthening familial ties and nurturing resilient families, as they are the foundation of a thriving society. Our family therapy centre in Singapore offers counselling and therapy services for families that face interpersonal relationship issues, family violence, child management, or parenting concerns. If you have experienced similar issues at home, do not hesitate to contact us today or visit us at https://ppis.sg/sym to speak to our experts.