How To Let Your Children Know You’re Getting A Divorce
July 28, 2022
How To Let Your Children Know You’re Getting A Divorce
One of the most challenging conversations some parents may face is having to talk to their children about their impending divorce. While it is natural for couples to avoid broaching this subject for fear of upsetting their children, this decision represents a significant upheaval in their children’s lives. Therefore, it is crucial for them to hear the news directly from their parents.
However, even though you may understand why it is essential to have this conversation with your children, you and your spouse might still struggle with how to approach this delicate situation. Let us share how you can break this news to your children as gently as possible and help them understand the reasons behind this decision.
1. Seek advice from an expert
Muslim couples in Singapore who are contemplating divorce are required to attend and complete the Marriage Counselling Programme (MCP) as mandated by Section 46A of the Administration of Muslim Law Act. Only when the reconciliation is unsuccessful will the counsellors help facilitate an amicable divorce.
While this practice is not applicable to couples of other faiths, it is still advisable for those seeking a divorce to consider family counselling. Divorce should only be an option when other alternatives have been exhausted, and reconciliation is impossible. So if either party believes the marriage can be saved, it is ideal for you and your partner to arrange for family counselling and seek to resolve your differences.
But if you believe an amicable split is the best option for your family, you can consider approaching a divorce counsellor. These experts have experience helping couples transition through a divorce. As such, they can offer advice on how to best approach the matter with your kids. Additionally, these divorce counselling sessions provide your family with a secure environment where everyone feels safe and heard.
At PPIS As-Salaam, we are a divorce support specialist agency endorsed by the Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) with over 25 years of experience working with Malay-Muslim single-parent families. If you need help coping with the challenges of rebuilding your family, do not hesitate to approach us for support.
2. Talk to your children together with your spouse
It is crucial for your children to hear this news directly from mum and dad at the same time. Even though both parties have decided on separation, your kids deserve to know that you and your spouse remain committed to working together as their parents.
Doing so also allows everyone to share their personal reasons for the divorce. By hearing both sides of the story, your children may have a better understanding of your decision. If you are concerned about safety or wish to avoid a conflict, it is ideal to schedule a divorce counselling session to discuss the matter.
3. Avoid playing the blame game
It can be tempting to blame your spouse for the divorce, but playing the blame game resolves nothing. Such actions will only cause your kids to feel trapped in a loyalty bind – unsure of who they should be siding with, which is unhealthy for their development.
Avoid letting the reasons for the divorce overshadow the relationship with your children. What your kids need during this tumultuous time is both parents’ reassurance and support. Let them know that while dad and mum are no longer husband and wife, everyone will still remain a family. Most importantly, you should ensure your children understand that the divorce was not their fault.
4. Let your kids know what will change and what will remain the same
The divorce signals a significant change in your children’s lifestyle. Hence, they would want to know how their lives are going to be impacted – such as where they are going to live and with whom. Therefore, it is wise to have the necessary arrangements planned out with your spouse beforehand.
Work out how you and your partner are going to share time with the kids and let your children know about the plan. If emotions are still running high, you may want to consider doing this in a safe environment, such as a divorce counselling session.
At the end of the day, reassure your kids that things will remain the same, with a few exceptions. And be sure to let them know that their parents’ love for them will never change even after the divorce.
Loss of a parent-child relationship after divorce, especially for the parent moving out, can have a significant impact on your kids’ development. Therefore, it is pivotal for you and your partner to maintain close ties with your children and respect their relationship with the other parent.
At PPIS As-Salaam, our agency offers more than divorce counselling to help single-parent families adjust to their new normal. We also provide other programmes, such as Parenting PACT and Children in Between (CiB), for parents and their young children to better cope with the impact of divorce. Do not hesitate to contact us today or visit us at www.ppis.sg/as-salaam to learn more about our services.
