4 Things Every Couple Need To Know Before Getting Married

4 Things Every Couple Need To Know Before Getting Married

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. If you and your partner love each other, it should work out, right? Love does conquer all. However, one may overlook vital differences that need to be sorted out before the wedding day. Before you take the next step, let us share the things you should take note of and discuss with your partner.

1. Be mindful of the expectations you bring into the marriage

“You complete me” – an undoubtedly classic and romantic line. However, it is essential for both parties to prioritise personal growth and fulfilment instead of seeking it from someone else. Remember, happiness comes from within. Taking care of yourself will enable you to bring your best self into your relationship. In this pursuit, while addressing your own needs is a priority, it is equally vital to consider and support your partner’s needs as well.

Both you and your partner need to discuss the expectations each has regarding the marriage. Some may rely on their spouse for emotional support, expecting them to lift their spirits and make them feel better. Others may require assistance in fulfilling a life goal, which may potentially result in tension if not supported. A clear understanding of what both parties want and need can prompt honest discussions about the relationship and where it is heading.

If either party has children from a previous union, you may need to discuss the new parental roles within the stepfamily, as well as expectations regarding discipline, rules, and involvement in the children’s lives. 

2. Have good relations with your partner’s family

Family obligations often change once you are married. Nevertheless, there may be family traditions and commitments that you or your spouse are required to observe. Think about how your new family would fit into these. Proper communication and establishing suitable boundaries before marriage are essential to preserve and strengthen familial relationships.

Getting the support of both families is essential, as it provides a robust emotional foundation for the couple. Having a network of people who care about your well-being and that of your partner can provide comfort and solace during challenging times. In other words, you know that you can rely on family for guidance and advice. 

If either party has children, both parties need to discuss from time to time about their feelings and expectations of family life. Some topics for consideration include making time for each other as a couple, how families from both parties can be a support system for one another, as well as scheduling bonding activities as a stepfamily unit.

Learn More: What Stepfamilies Can Do To Prepare For A Remarriage

3. Ensure that there is financial transparency

Couples need to be transparent and disclose their financial status if they are serious about getting married. Yes, it is never easy to discuss your finances, especially at the introductory stage. However, finances often cause mistrust and issues during a marriage. In fact, it is one of the top reasons for divorce cases in Singapore. 

Start with choosing the right time and place to have an open and honest discussion. Find a safe space where both of you can focus on having honest conversations without any distractions. Establish boundaries so that both of you feel safe sharing your financial information and perspectives without judgement or criticism. 

Topics for discussion may include short-term and long-term financial goals. For example, exploring what you hope to achieve, both individually and as a couple. This can include homeownership, retirement planning, and a budget that details your expected income, expenses, and savings.

Be realistic about your spending habits and identify areas where both parties may need to make adjustments. By having an open discussion and adequate planning, there will be relevant options that work best for you and your partner.

4. Acknowledge your role in resolving conflicts

During the honeymoon phase, arguments with your spouse may be tough to imagine. However, such conflicts are common in most marriages. It is all about how you deal with it when issues crop up.

When such arguments occur, both parties must make an effort to resolve the situation. Come together with your partner and communicate as a couple. Often we are quick to react. However, it is wise to take a pause, be present, and listen to what each has to say.

During conflict resolution, it is always crucial to approach the situation from a place of empathy, as it helps to strengthen the emotional connection between you and your partner. When both of you feel heard and understood, it fosters intimacy and trust in the relationship. However, in the midst of intense emotions, how can either party successfully achieve this goal?

Step 1: Stay composed and be receptive

It is essential to remain calm and open to your partner’s viewpoint. Being defensive and argumentative will not help resolve the situation. When you are calm, you are also more likely to listen actively and pay attention to your partner when they are speaking. As a result, you can focus on understanding your partner’s perspective. 

Step 2: Acknowledge emotions and validate feelings

Take the time to acknowledge your partner’s emotions and validate their feelings. Use empathetic phrases such as “I can see why you would feel that way” or “I am here for you, and I want to understand.” Putting yourself in your partner’s shoes can help you to understand their experience and emotions. These actions can go a long way beyond resolving the conflict at the moment.

Marriage constitutes a lifelong dedication that every couple needs to approach with adequate preparation. Ensure you have discussed with your partners these key pointers and come to a mutual understanding before tying the knot. You may find that it will go a long way in helping you foster a healthy and joyous marriage.

At INSPIRASI PPIS, we recognise the sanctity of marriage and the importance of supporting young marriages. We offer premarital consultations for couples and will continue to support them in their first 10 years of marriage. This will provide young couples with a safe space to discover how to strengthen their relationships and address potential concerns either party may have.

If you and your partner are thinking about getting married but are unsure if either of you is ready for married life, we recommend looking into our marriage preparation programme. It can help you make an informed decision about marriage and prepare both of you for future family life.